Hmmm....

Dustin came back early from his trip because I wasn't feeling well. It was so awesome to see him. And we got to spend 6 whole days together til he had to go back to work. He did a lot of thinking in Wyoming and because God put a lot of different things on his heart. God put our relationship to the test, and this time it wasn't something silly like its always been before. This was a true test. Dustin and I are closer than we have ever been before. We are more open with one another and we really like to spend time together. We are trying to make time for each other each night, just to talk and tell each other about our day. Our main issue is communication. We used to go a long time without checking in with each other. We have made it a priority to keep each other accountable for checking in and keeping our line of communication open. I am way worse than Dustin. I can hold so much deep inside. But I did learn a lot about Dustin while he was in Wyoming. He really had a lot he had to go through by himself but he was keeping a lot more from me than I ever anticipated. He is just much better at brushing things off and hiding his true feelings. I kinda wear mine on my sleeves. It has been a really difficult but rewarding experience because we have had to deal with some hard things that we had been holding against each other. But definitely rewarding because our relationship is much more open and we are closer.

All f the boys are wonderful! Boston is getting so big, he is so grown up already. He has an attitude for sure and is starting to let it come through in some of his reactions. Unfortunately he is a reactor like I am. Dustin can be a reactor too. I guess it is no surprise that Boston is as well. The other day Boston was playing with one of the boys and he was getting to be too rough so I pulled him away from the chair the baby was in and he went back and starting getting rough some more, well Dustin and I don't really spank him or anything yet unless it's absolutely necessary. Well, I had pulled him away a couple times and he was still being really rough, I knew he had been having a rough day anyway so I let him get away with a little more than normal. Finally I got tired of pulling him away and so I gave him a little spank on his hand and told him he needed to leave brother alone. Now, when I have done this before he normally cries because his feelings are hurt and he runs after me to crawl into my arms. This time he cried and hit me back! My "reaction" was to tell him he couldn't hit mommy and spanked his hand again. This made him cry even harder and I could tell he wanted to take another swing but he's smart and he knew better. This got me to thinking, what if he had hit me again? Would we have just continued hitting each other back and forth until Dustin ad gotten home from work to break us up? I know that there are other ways to discipline, I tend to be a yeller. This is something I'd like to change. I know a lot of different techniques from working at the daycare and from watching my nieces for so long. But it is so different when you are presented with different situations. I don't want my kids to listen to me out of fear. I want them to obey me because they love me. Although if they know that there will be consequences and they fear them then that will keep them out of some bad situations hopefully that they may have gotten into if they were not afraid of me. This is how I picture our relationship with God. I mean, yes we should obey because we love Him and want to be closer to Him and to bring Him joy. But there is a healthiness to fearing God. Fearing that He is so powerful and knowing He has complete control. It keeps me in check. I know that He is all powerful and could do anything he wanted to. God fearing. I don't think that means that we walk around scared to be in a relationship with God and keeping ourselves closed off to Him. I think it means that we stay aware of the fact that God is such a greater being and all mighty. I am in no way comparing myself to Gd. I am just trying to make a connection between the two relationships. The Father and myself and me to Boston. Anyway, so he is giving some "tude" and getting big. He can high five, find his nose, say please. He holds a book right side up and realizes when it is upside down or backwards or both. He sleeps in his own bed in his own room and has been since he was a little less than a year old. He has had a major surgery and recovered very nicely from it. He is so close to running but he can walk super super fast. He adores his brothers. Just recently he has figured he can lean in real close to their face and they just smile at him. Even if he puts almost all his weight on their legs they just smile at him. He tries to put their binkies in when they cry. Most of the time he gets it in and they stop crying but then he turns into mean big brother and takes it back out. The other day I was doing laundry in the laundry room and came back to the livingroom and Jakey was gone. Boston has also figured out that he can push/pull the chair the boys sit in all around the house. He had pulled Jakey into his room and was leaned in real close to his face just talking away to him. Jakey had the biggest smile on his face! It was so darling. Boston loves making a mess after I clean up. He gets lots of joy out of me coming after him after he pulls out toys I just put away. He is so much fun too! We can play chase all day and he'd never get tired of it. His laugh is one in a million. We brush his teeth every night. He is getting really good at opening his mouth at the right times and letting me clean his whole mouth. Maybe soon I'll think about potty-training. I am not ready yet. I think he needs some more time too. All in all he is such a joy and really easy to be around all day!

Jacob and Nathaniel are getting so big! Jakey is a pound or so bigger than Thanny. There is a big difference when you hold them. They are both sleeping through the night wonderfully. We are working on getting a good bed time routine down. Big brother goes to bed around 9:00 so after we get him into bed we start our twins to bed. I got sick a week or so ago and my milk never really caught back up so at night I have close to nothing built up and because there are two of them my milk doesn't let down enough for them both to get a good meal in. Dustin and I have decided to do a bottle of formula along with nursing them to get them full so that they will sleep better. It has been working great and they took to the formula well. I wish we didn't have to supplement formula but for goodness sake they are almost five months old and I have exclusively fed them this long and there are two! I think that is pretty darn good. I feel pretty spoiled though because we get into bed before midnight most of the time and now we get into bed close to ten after getting all the little ones to bed. The part that really spoils me is that the earliest that any of them have woken up recently is like 10:00! Usually it is Boston and then the twins after that. It is great!! I know that cant possibly last right? God knew we needed sleeper babies at this point in our life. Thank you God! The boys are smilers. They are so happy as long as they have full tummies. They love to eat that is for sure. They remind me of Boston so much. But they are very different also. They both laugh and giggle! It is the sweetest sound. I love making them laugh all of the time. They hold themselves up pretty well. They are a little behind cause they were born early but I don't think they are that behind and the doctor said they should be caught up by the time they are a year old.