That Icky Feeling

It is a feeling that I get from time to time. It makes me feel really icky. I don't know why I get the feeling, and just as unfortunately I don't know how to get rid of the feeling. It is one of those things that I cannot explain because it doesn't make any sense when I try to. I just feel wrong. I know that doesn't really make any sense. Dustin and I talked for a long time tonight about it and what it could mean and we didn't really come up with any conclusions. I am hoping that the feeling is gone by morning because I don't know if I can make it much longer without going crazy and taking everybody with me. I feel like it might be brought on by the feelings I get when I think about all of the crazy stuff that we have gone through the last couple years. It is interesting how your mind can only take so much and then it just goes numb. I still haven't processed all of the stuff that has gone on. We just fixed it as much as we could and took care of the people involved and moved on. There wasn't any processing time. We just keep this tough exterior and press onward. But nothing ever gets dealt with. Is that the same for everyone? I can't imagine it would be or no one would be sane in this world. The feeling itself is painful, like a dull ache and a horrible heavy feeling. But the feeling always reminds me of things that have happened and I then feel depressed. The depression is not good for my kids or my marriage. I am so blessed that my husband is patient and willing to take the time to try to help me figure out what is wrong with me. I feel bad for my kids who get a mommy that doesn't play as much and who loses her patience quickly. I really hope and pray that I may be able to work through whatever this thing may be and that I come out a stronger person for my family. It makes me feel weak and wrong. It is one of the worst feelings I recall feeling. I haven't felt it in a long time. I hope it leaves and doesn't come back.