Growing Up!

So, God is Huge and so faithful. I have just done some huge growing up real recently. A relationship that I invested way more than I should have came to an end. Quickly. Painfully. All the same it is over and you have no idea how much pain can distract someone. For the last couple of days I go through stages. Pain and hurt, this stage involves tears and often the question why pops out of my mouth. The next stage could be anger, this stage involves more crying and self-pity, bitterness begins to build. Then there is a stage of denial. This didn't really happen, It's all just some bad dream, right? Wrong.
I know none of that sounds like growing up or maturing in any way but here is where there is growth and maturity. (sigh) I knew that the relationship was unhealthy, maybe it was the timing, maybe it was the match, but it was unhealthy all the same. I didn't want it to end because when you invest love and time into someone or something it is often very difficult to just let go of it. Why is it so hard to let go? My mind's response is that all of the little moments shared and the little things that are said mean so much, the things that were taken for granted mean so much, the look he/she'd give when they agreed or when they thought you were nuts, or even when they just looked at you, all of that stuff that seems to mean so much, actually does when you don't have it. But I know in truth that without Jesus it means nothing. I am not saying that this relationship of mine didn't have Christ, I just know that fact to be true. This relationship lacked communication from both sides. But I know that Christ will lead me to safety and will care for me and hold me tight. I think what helps me get through right now is just knowing that God is in control and that he is going through this with me, I am not by myself. HE loves me and he is the only one who will not disappoint and never leave me. He's the only one who will never ever ever leave me.
So what have I learned from this relaationship, and from it ending? Well, I have learned that it takes two people to make a realtionship work, not one working for the both of them. It takes more giving than receiving and when you find the freedom in giving you actually receive way more than you thought you could or would ever receive. I have also learned what it really means to guard your heart. To keep it safe. I didn't know what that really meant when I was told to guard my heart at the very beginning of this relationship and from this relationship I now know how to keep at a safe enough distance to actually contribute to a relationship. In this relationship I was so ready and willing to just give him my heart and you know what, he didn't want it. And that's okay. I didn't know how to contribute to a relationship in that way. I am not saying that now that I have been hurt and broken that I have all of the sudden become a relationship expert but now I am just that much wiser.
And now I can just look to Christ and He will always love me. I just pray that this amazing guy, this amazing child of God has been freed from any weight or baggage that he may have been carrying through the relationship. I pray that ending the relationship has allowed for him to get closer to Jesus and to just be happy. I pray that he will one day find a beautiful woman to compliment him and to seek Christ with. He will always be special to me and he will always be a friend.