Alone In A Crowded Room

Sometimes it is just how I feel. The room can be full of people that I know or even family members yet I feel completely alone. I know that in this life we can't always do what we want or what we think that we need to do but it really hits me sometimes. Dustin and I function on completely different worlds. We aren't able to spend everyday all day long together. It is hard to grasp that the person I am so fortunate to get to spend the rest of my life with, I don't even see that often. I love spending all day with the kids, and I know Dustin misses them a lot and misses out on a lot that goes on. It is just something that I think about from time to time and it is tough to try to process. It seems that when you have a family you should always be able to see and hug and love on them. This is never the case. I was thinking about how often I actually see Dustin. I see him when he gets home from work in the evening, he kisses me in the morning before he leaves, and I am supposed to be able to see him all weekend. But he has been hunting and with my school and stuff I get to see him maybe one weekend day. That is crazy to think about. Isn't it? Maybe I am being overly sensitive but I just feel like that is wrong.

Another thing that I am struggling with is that I seem to have to make all of the decisions. Mostly all of them anyway. I pay the bills, I make all the decisions for the kids. I make all the day to day decisions for our family. Is that normal. I know I am the mommy and I get to stay home with the kids but do I have to have all of the say. I like to know exactly what is going to go on and I like things done my way but it just seems like a lot of pressure sometimes. Even when Dustin is home with us, I make the decisions for what the kids do or eat or where they need to be and play. And I feel like it would be perfectly okay if he decided to take over. I know he works all day and that when he comes home he wants to relax. I don't know. I can over analyze just about anything and that is probably what I am doing. It is just that being a mommy is the best thing ever and I wouldn't change that, but it isn't the easiest thing to do. And I think a common misconception is that it is easy. You have to be in tune to what is going on AT ALL TIMES. You never get to just shut off. Even when they are napping you are always listening for them to wake up or trying to get the things done that you can't while they are awake. I LOVE being a mommy. I L=love my kids. I love my husband. I just think too much. :0)