Late Night thinking

I really should be sleeping. Of course it makes sense that I am not. I rarely do things I ought to do. Today was a really fun day. We went to the park in Sandy and had a BBQ with Dustin's family. The boys all had a blast. Boston played in the creek with a shovel and was laughing so ahrd at the water flying everywhere. It was adorable. The twins are wonderful to take outside right now because they hate the grass. This means that they will stay on a blanket for hours! If they touch the grass at all they get back on the blanket. It's like there is an invisible force field around the blanket. It makes things a little easier when you are outnumbered.

Then later we went to a wedding of one of Dustin's good friends. It was really beautiful. It always makes me sad when there isn't any dancing or extra events like that but it was really nice. It was good to see a friend of mine I haven't talked to in a long time. We got to catch up and just hang out. No agenda. It was great. Then we went and got the twins from Dustin's sister's house, (3 at the wedding would have been nuts). We stopped by the store on the way home and got a couple steaks and corn on the cobb. Dustin just got a new BBQ. We had BBQ'd steaks and corn, it was so yummy! We just got to do a lot of stuff together today.

I live for the moments that we are just the 5 of us. We were laying out on the blanket in the front yard yesterday and the boys were playing with toys and being silly. Dustin and I just got to sit and hang out with them for a long time. Those are my favorite times. When the boys are content with spending time with us and vica versa, us with them. It was the best. I look forward to those moments everyday.

Jacob can stand on his own. I know they both could walk but lack the confidence to do so. They will catch themselves standing without holding onto something and instantly lower themselves to the ground. I know that once they can walk there will be even more bumps and bruises but I know that they will be happy to be able to keep up with Boston better. I know that I want this to happen right now but we have to realize that they were born 2 months early and they should really only be a little over 11 months now. I know they are developing just fine, I am just really excited for them.

Baby Trapp number 4 is having a rough go. We are 19 weeks. I can feel a lot of movement. It is weird to have all the memories of the last pregnancies rush back when I feel the baby flip or move. It is sweet. It is also crazy to think that those three other children were in this belly before. Two of them at the same time. No way! This baby is fine but I am having contractions already. It is way too early. This is really scary. There is nothing that they can do to stop the contractions is what I was told. At this point if I were to go into labor they wouldn't be able to save the baby. It's terrifying to think that that could happen especially cause I know he/she is just fine right now. I started having some back pain tonight and I know that was one of the questions the dr asked me. I am going to call again tomorrow to let them know the contractions didnt stop over the weekend. I think they could be braxton hicks but they are the same contractions that shortened my cervix right before the twins were born. I don't want to be "that" pregnant lady that calls and panics about every little pain but it isn't me that I am worried about. I could care less about myself, it is the baby growing inside me that I am worrying about. I tried to change doctors and hospitals because we moved farther away from the one we have had. I know that they didn't understand my history and everything but I felt like they were just brushing me off. They didn't care that I was concerned about these conractions. I know my body and they made me feel silly for even being worried. They told me to drink some fluids and take a warm bath for the pain. Like I said before, I don't care about me or anything I am feeling, I care what the contractions could start doing to the pregnancy. So, I called my dr that I had switched from and they couldn't give me advice because we were no longer being seen there. I talked to Dustin and we decided to go back because they know our history and know us. It is just a further drive. Hopefully we can get there fast when the time comes. Then my original dr told me he wanted me to come in and get checked out. I am not dilated, my cervix is long and it's still closed. This is all good news. That is however, how it went with the twins until the contractions started doing something. And I am trying not to fret over it but I keep thinking, what if I don't fret? What if something happens to this baby because I never spoke up. So now I will have to be "that" pregnant lady because yes, it is better to be safe than it is to be sorry.