An outlet

I guess sometimes all you need is an outlet for things to escape. I haven't had that in a long time. I am working on not holding everything in. It is a challenge. Sometimes it seems so much easier to just try to ignore or forget.

I have met a few people lately who have really touched my heart. It is weird to be meeting people who have this affect on me anymore. It used to happen all of the time when I was involved and doing a lot of things socially. I am not really like that anymore. We stay at home and do our own thing.

Anyway I have met a couple people who reminded me of what is was like to feel excited about God. There is a lady in my biology class that is very involved in ministry. Her and I happened to partner up. (God) We have been working a lot together with a couple other girls in our class and it has been really fun. We got into a discussion at the end of class tonight with our instructor and it lead to a discussion about a higher power. I feel terrible about the start of the discussion because I made a comment basically judging biologists as non-believers and I could tell it kind of hurt this instructors feelings. Wish I hadn't have said anything. Anyway that sparked a really good conversation and I realized that there are so many people that I have yet to meet. There are so many people that I know that I need to invest more time in. I miss people. I want my children to see the benefit in opening your lives to others. I know that Dustin would love to get involved in other men's lives. Even just to talk to other guys about guy things. Video games, anything! I know that is something that we both need because we are both very social. I guess I just forgot that. It is easy to forget things that are out of mind out of sight. Even to go to church on a regular basis would do us both some good. Not that we are struggling or anything but we both know that there is something missing.

We have been struggling lately with time. I have been so busy with school and Dustin works all day. We don't always feel like we do enough with our kids. I know that there are three of them and soon to be four but we know that is not an excuse. It's like we get up, feed them, let them play while we do everything we need to get done for the day. They take a nap, we either nap too or we continue working. Then they wake up we have a snack and put them down to play some more. I usually am doing homework and cramming for tests in all the in between time. Then Dustin gets home from work, I get ready for school. I go and he feeds the kids dinner and puts them to bed, which he does such a wonderful job at but I know it can be stressful. Then I get home and they are asleep and Dustin and I hang out a bit and then go to bed. Well, he goes to bed and I usually stay up doing homework or something. We just don't feel like we are contributing anything to their lives. Yes during the day we play, it is impossible to resist when they are so cute and playful. They can do so much and they are so much fun. What I mean is we don't feel we are contributing to their life with things like reading to them, and taking the time to sit down and go through pictures and point out shapes, numbers, letters, anything. We just don't feel like we do enough. And even though we do play and love all over them, we feel like there could always be more of that too. It is sad that we may be missing out on so much. They have no idea how much they teach us everyday. They give us so much without even knowing it or trying. And we feel like we fail them so terribly. I hope this doesn't last forever.